As a woman with binge eating disorder, I can relate to a lot of what you say. I had a mournful chuckle when I hit your sentence about rock hard muscle under your nice upper arm because my upper arms are among my most loathsome features. A catalog of which I could so easily provide.
I’ve been in two years of treatment, one of them DBT, and I feel a lot better now. It isn’t easy to fight automatic body image thoughts, but mindfulness has really helped me beat them back. I hope things get better for you.