You Hurt Me

Accountability for abusive behavior

“woman sitting on bed while holding mug” by Asdrubal luna on Unsplash

Facts have emerged about Brett Kavanaugh’s early life and environment which show a guilty culture, if not the guilty act. We learn that he spent time with boys in high school who consumed far too much alcohol. We learn that Republican women on CNN will describe this behavior as “typical” and “common.”

What kind of fraternity was Kavanaugh in? What was its culture? During the 1980s when women began protesting sexual assault on campus with “Take Back The Night” and “No Means No,” was his fraternity building a culture of gender equality and concern for women’s safety?

We can answer that question by examining what happened to that same fraternity 20 years later. Seven years ago, the fraternity was banned from campus for marching around chanting, “No Means Yes.”

Republican women are part of rape culture, too. They don’t want you to get upset about men raping and assaulting women (and other men) because they are afraid their sons are perpetrators. I know this for a fact because one of my high school best friends and I no longer speak to each other when she wrote that to me on Facebook.

I posted a Facebook story during the #MeToo disclosures. She replied with a nasty remark about women needing to just give up. At one point, she said her brother molested her, so sexual abuse is no big deal. We argued back and forth until she finally admitted she had her sons to think about.

I wrote a Medium article about losing her friendship, but it was never popular.

No woman who can hold up a system where three teens are allowed to rape me could remain my friend. It is too traumatizing for me. But it educated me a great deal about the motivations behind the system that maintains rape and sexual assault. The enablers are as important as the actors.

The Mike Judges of the world probably don’t come forward because he assaulted another girl himself. Or he thinks he could have done it, so he has a guilty conscience. After all, these boys have mothers who will go on CNN and say, “Boys will be boys.” They join frats where boys gather to declare, “No means yes” in response to assaulted women crying, “No means no.”

I don’t know if Chuck Grassley has ever assaulted a woman. If he has not, he behaves as an enabler. He sends out messages to a man who has been credibly accused of traumatizing a woman like this:

Judge Kavanaugh is not owed this job. This job belongs to the American people. But, by all means, grovel to Kavanaugh about delaying his foregone nomination.

Despite a previous accusation being investigated by the FBI, deny this accuser an FBI investigation. She is willing to subject herself to the scrutiny an FBI investigation entails, including the felonies attached to lying to the agency. Brett Kavanaugh avoids asking for such an investigation. Dr. Ford names another person in the room who refuses to testify. The Senate Judiciary Committee refuses to call that man as a witness. That man, Mike Judge, literally has a memoir dedicated to his days of high school drunkenness and debauchery.

We won’t even go into the weight of the evidence presented by the fact of Dr. Ford’s disclosure to a therapist years prior to the nomination of Kavanaugh to the Court. The fact that this therapist could stand as a witness is also being ignored by the Senate Judiciary Committee for a reason. They do not want to find the facts of this incident. They want to confirm Kavanaugh. No matter what.

Meanwhile, Dr. Ford has had to move out of her house in the face of death threats. Her life has been turned upside down. There is a determined force not to hold Kavanaugh accountable. No wonder women never report.

Chances are I have a migraine. My spirit guides are Voltaire & Bierce. Considering making SJW into a religion. Genealogist

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